Here is an article from a colleague.. Very interesting especially the last conversation.
How often do you get a call and hear a lilting voice say, “Hi! I am Pooja calling from XYZ bank. Sir, we are offering free platinum credit card to our customers. Are you interested?” (uttered in a single breath) And you think, “Oh no, not again!” You politely (or rudely) reply, “Sorry, I am not interested.” And the conversation ends there. But imagine a reply that frustrates the caller with your witty response. I have some cool ideas for making these unsolicited calls a pleasant experience. My friends and I have applied these ideas and we have derived immense pleasure from such pranks. We have frustrated them more than the other way round.
Girl: Hello Sir, this is Pooja calling from Country Club.
Me: Hi Pooja!
Girl: Sir, we are offering life time Country Club membership for Rs.1.5 lakh only!
Me: Wow, what an offer! Only 1.5 lakh! How come so cheap?
Girl: Sir, I am not joking (with a chuckle).
Me: Neither me. You know, one of my friends already has Club Mahindra membership at Rs.1.5 lakh per year. Do you have any concession on group booking? I think we have around 8 people in my team.
Girl: Sir, along with this, you will get 2 air tickets to Goa absolutely free!
Me: Free? I mean after becoming a member, isn’t it?
Girl: We are also offering 8/6 site in Tumkur.
Me: What should I do with that site?
Girl: You know Sir, if you have more people in your group, you can have a farm house there …
Me: … where we can enjoy our retired life (continuing from where she left)
Girl: I am not joking, Sir!
Me: Who said that you are joking? Seriously Madam, I am serious. (can’t control my loud laughter this time)
Girl: Ok Sir, I think you are not interested.
And she hangs up.
Girl: Hi Sir, this is Pooja calling from ICICI Bank.
Me: Oh, Pooja, nice to hear your voice!
Girl: (amused by reaction) Sir, we are offering home loans for 12% interest.
Me: Oh, is that so? It’s good, but I have an offer from another bank which is giving home loan for only 2% interest!
Girl: Only 2% interest?
Me: Yeah, it’s only 2%, seriously.
Girl: Which bank, Sir? I do not think any bank is offering at this interest rate.
Me: (lowering my voice) I can’t tell you, you know it’s a private bank!
Girl: No Sir, it’s not possible. If that’s the case, then, I’m also interested.
Me: If you want to know the name of the bank, give your mobile number or e-mail ID as I cannot disclose this information over phone. I am bound not to disclose the details.
She disconnects the call.
Girl: Hello Sir, I am Pooja calling from …
Me: (interrupting her) Hang on for a moment … (taking my time) …Okay let’s play “Kaun Banega Crorepati” with… sorry, I forgot your name?
Girl: Sorry …
Me: What’s your name, Madam? Am I speaking in an alien language?
Me: Audience, we have Pooja on our hot seat. Let’s play “Kaun Banega Crorepati” with Pooja. (of course, mimicking Big B’s accent)
Here is the first question to Pooja for 1,000 rupees on your computer screen. (adding standard KBC music)
Which bank you are calling from? a) ICICI (b) HDFC (c) Deutsche (d) Others
Girl: Funny (light laugh)…Okay, I am calling from HDFC.
Me: Computer, please lock (b) HDFC …And yes (b) HDFC is the right answer. You have won 1,000 rupees!
Girl: Sir, are you interested in … (again interruption by me)
Me: (my own voice) Aren’t you enjoying it? I think YES (switching back to Big B voice again) Ready for another question? And here goes the second question for 2,000 rupees on your computer screen. What is the reason behind your call to me?
(a) Credit/debit card (b) Home loan/personal loan (c) Mutual fund (d) Others
Girl: Okay, it’s enough. Are you interested in free Gold Credit Card offered by us?
Me: Oh no, wrong answer. Sorry Poojaji, I already have credit card from ICICI. I have been telling the participants that whenever you have doubt in mind, go for the life lines. And you have not used any of your life lines. What a pity!
She hangs up. (as expected)
If you are already following my examples, then you are welcome to share your experiences and ideas. Otherwise try it once – it’s certainly worth a try.